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She refuses point blank to let me contact the child. Some people will say it would be the noblest thing to carry on fighting regardless. Any father here who has been generously granted a weekend every two weeks knows the feeling when you say goodbye. People who don’t know the situation raise their hands in horror, or pass judgement, assume that this is a choice that is taken lightly and easily. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. I don’t like to watch movies with children of that age in them. She told me that the gifts I had been sending postally were in a box and he never got them. All that I could do, once a month or less (she lives a long way from me) would be to visit for a shallow shared visit, a museum trip perhaps – that’s not parenting – that’s just being a Disneyland dad.You’re just getting used to having them around, and they are gone. Sometimes I see children in shops that look like my child and find it hard not to break down. I had to remove all the photographs that I had of my child and every other item and put them in a box. In a box, held tightly under control, so that I can try and enjoy some semblance of a normal life. I am in despair that many people and the courts expect the impossible.Please listen to Terry Brennan, co-founder of Leading Women for Shared Parenting, explain why default every-other-weekend visitation leads to absentee fathers.Note that in cases where ‘standard’ visitation is awarded — every-other-weekend — fathers become depressed and non-involved, and within 3 years, one study found, 40 percent of children in an unequal visitation arrangement had lost complete touch with their non-custodial parents, which are nearly always the father.I considered all the above paths for a long time and was tempted by more than a few of them.In the end, I walked away from all contact with my child more than two years ago.
I refuse to beg for access, or beg for photographs, or ask permission when I can please take him on vacation.
They expect the man to be totally interested, committed, involved with his child’s life – and yet – they make it impossible for that involvement to happen.
How can you remain interested and involved when you are given no information about the child’s everyday life, when even the most basic contact is made difficult or impossible, when you are limited to four days a month contact time if you are lucky?
I still believe this, but I also believe in empathy, and for recognizing each other’s humanity.
Here is one story from a commenter on the above posts: From John G: From my own experiences, I believe it’s widespread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings. My son was being tutored on what to say to me (did you ever hear a 7-year-old respond ‘I’m not comfortable talking about that’ when asked a question?